while waiting a had a thought; again, can't get rid of the fucking things, about the sound that my soul would be probably be making if you hooked it up somehow. I decided that it would be a very hi pitch screech, from the fuck dire distress my soul is in. I don't think soul food is going to cut it this time, I'm am so fucking unhappy with the way things are with me at the moment that I'm finding it hard to find the strength to march forward with this never ending crusade we call life, I'm sick of these trials and trebulations, these merry mishaps of show give a shit. It is going to have to stop or at least be lessened to point where it becomes background noise or... I guess I will do nothing about it.
Also starting to gain a dislike the company of people to a point where id rather stay at home, it not a constant thing, it just phases in and out. I guess this is the beginning of me showing signs of a different type of agoraphobia that I cant name where you just stay inside because you prefer it. The only problem I find is that this feeling with me never lasts long and if I'm honest ill probably feel fine tomorrow; which leave me with the thought why bother writing about it, well because id like to catalogue these happenings and calculate there frequency so that i can prove to my self I'm not a bad person.
On the other hand today was alright if you take out the self loathing/jealousy/hatred/why the fuck am I bothering walking on this fucking cursed planet:).
Have a nice day don't let me sour it I'm just venting my poison thoughts out.
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